The Dinner Party (Part I of VI)

                I had to drop off my middle daughters shoes and my oldest daughters book at their mother’s house and since we were driving close to the coast anyway it seemed like a good opportunity to do so.  It was a beautiful day and now approaching 5:30 PM we had spent the afternoon with Carina’s parents.  It is amazing to me the zest some people have for life and even though her father was in his seventies he was in SF for the weekend to get married.  I think it is fantastic to find somebody to spend the final few years with and I am happy that he feels comfortable making that commitment. 

                As we approached the house I called my middle daughter Amelia, “I am going to drop off your shoes and your sister’s book, where are you?” I said.  “I am not home she responds.  We are out shopping and will be going over to Aunt Tammy’s house for dinner so we won’t be home for a while.”  “That is fine” I say, “I will just drop them off at the front door and you can pick them up when you get home.”  “Huh?”  She responds.  “You can’t leave them at the front door.”  “We won’t be home for a long time.  You should have called me and told me you were going to come over to the house.  You will have to just come back and drop them off later.”

                 I sit staring at the phone trying to figure out how the mind of a twelve year old works.  I mean I live 45 minutes away from her mom’s house and she thinks that I can just drop by anytime and leave her shoes.  “Why can’t I just leave them on your front porch, or I can even drop them off at your Aunt Tammy’s if needed but I am not going to make another trip and drop them off if you don’t want them now.”  “Fine” she stammers in response.  “Leave them where you want, but next time you should call and ask me if we will be home before you drop off my shoes.”

                I again sit staring at the phone wondering whether I should be laughing at the exchange or getting angry.  Kids are so self absorbed when they approach the teenage years.  Yes it is a difficult time and you must hold your patience to the extent you possibly can but it is so trying.  “OK”, I say, “I will place them in the front door if it is open and if it is not I will simply put them in the mailbox.”  “How does that sound?”  “Fine” she utters again.  “Is that all?”  “Well, I love you” I say and hear her mumble out an “I love you too” before she says goodbye and then hangs up the phone.

                It is hard to remember but I try to understand that it is I who is doing her a favor and I know that deep down in the pit of her stomach she must be finding it difficult to say thank you.  Two words that seem to elude children in our society at large.  Thank You?  Are those words so foreign to the family dynamics of this century that we should stricken them from the dictionary or should we make an attempt to bring them back to the forefront of our lives and inject them back into our daily routine.

                Is being cordial so difficult that we have lost all concept of what being cordial is?  At what point in time did even the pretense of politeness evade the dinner conversation so the act of passing the salt was confrontational.  OK, I am now exaggerating.  For the most part my three girls are relatively polite but at times they live their lives challenging even the simplest of acts.  When I was a child if I spoke to my father in any way deemed inappropriate I would find myself facing the back of his hand as he reminded me the status of my life compared to his.

                In the times of today we are not allowed to even talk sharply to our kids let alone hit them in anger.  How many agencies do we have for children’s rights or animal rights or the rights of the little spotted frog that inflict more rules onto the family than one can keep track of.  Everyone seems to have rights but the average middle aged Caucasian man.  Somehow in the grand scheme of handing out special favors we got passed over by everyone and everything including a little damn frog.

                Carina starts laughing as she sits next to me calming me with her just her presence as she so often does.   Her being near me relaxes me with a serene happiness and in doing so she so often doesn’t need to say a word.  In this case, as luck would have it she doesn’t say much but her laughter speaks volumes with her inability to maintain her composure as she listens to my childlike conversation.  OMG, can it be possible that kids start out their day wondering if they can give you a heart attack as they test your self control.

                As I pull away from my ex-wife’s house I think of my buddy Tim and the fact that I haven’t seen him in several weeks.  I am so close to his house it seems to make sense to give him a call and see if he is home.  Carina hasn’t met him and it would be nice to start introducing her to my friends.  She is becoming such an important part of my life it is appropriate she starts sharing it in all aspects.  I am not sure that she is ready for what is to come but then again none of us in life are ready for everything and in most cases it is the curveballs that are the most intriguing aspects.