Another Blog from my Daughter

My youngest daughter sees me writing now and then and she always wants to jump in and use the computer to save her thoughts for history as well.  I think it is cute to see her one finger typing at seven years old and only hope that she finds her way to occupational happiness in life.  If my recent foray into writing does nothing more than inspire my kids to read and write then it has been a success.  So many children today find their stimulation through TV or IPods or Video players or Video Games it is crazy.  Even books are now all electronic and I have to admit I still enjoy turning pages when I read.

Anyway below is her input to the logs of my life.

“Snuggling my sleepyhead sister and in the next bed my little dog is laying there enjoying a belly rub by my dads girlfriend .wile I am sitting in my bed waiting for breakfast so that I can go play with my nabbor  sooner. My dad is not”

I am still not sure what “I am not” but as long was somebody is then how can I complain.  My youngest daughter is going through some transition this weekend.  I am not sure if it is the dynamics of my girlfriend or she is just overly moody but she is not her normal social self.  All the kids are a little more on edge than normal.  I used to always say it took me a few hours to get them back into a relaxed mode after they came home from my ex-wife’s house.  I wonder if them having spent a week there has gotten them so stirred up they are having a more difficult time adjusting.

We just recently switched schedules to one week with me and one week with her exchanging the kids every other week.  That process is hard on the kids but I hope once they get used to it the timing will be easier since it means less back and forth effort throughout the week.

As in all things time will tell.

Divorce Update (Insanity)

Another divorce court hearing today and as you might imagine nothing completed.  No progress, nothing done, it is getting to be so sad that I didn’t even have to show up.  My attorney said that he had no paperwork from my wife ahead of time so it was a waste of my time to even go.

Is this ever going to end?  With the divorce rate as high as it is how do you divorced people do it.  I mean my god; at this point I could be dead from old age by the time I actually get the final paperwork.  There will be several people not happy about that and I personally will be heading the list.  Can she just bite the bullet and realize that life for us together has ended and she really needs to move ahead.

On the positive side, she did bring some paperwork to court.  It will be interesting to see what she asks for.  I am sure there will be something insane in there as she hasn’t done anything in this process like a normal person would expect.  She will probably want me to give up my right arm or something just so she will still have something to beat on even after I am gone.  If you can’t sense it yet, I am a little bitter than we are not through this fiasco yet.

Anyway, no progress to report.  Same old thing.

PS, next date is July 29th for anyone out there who is keeping track.  Four weeks from today.

Hung

The new show on HBO being touted as the possible revival of the stagnant cable channel that has lost its touch on originality.  I was unimpressed with episode 1 but will give it the benefit of the doubt (since my DVR is already set up to record the series) and watch it one or two more times.

The concept is a high school coach running down on his luck.  When I say down it is amazing the guy hasn’t decided to jump off the closest bridge he can find.  He loses his wife to a dweeb, children go to live with his ex, house burns down, attorney moves in next door (don’t you hate those guys) and he can’t pay his property taxes.  The only thing going for him is the size of his penis which is apparently a nice long dong.  Reminds me of “Sixteen Candles” and the Asian character whose name was “Long Duck Dong”.

What is our preoccupation with the size of our sexual organs?  Everyone wants to see a 12 inch penis or breast the size of a truck.  Are we so preoccupied with everything being large that we lose the appreciation for romance?  If you take a poll of women which you find that given the choice of a romantic walk on the beach and a nice dinner with an average sized guy or a roll in the hay with a foot long which would they choose?  I can’t believe that women have lost all track of the definition of romance.  They coined the term to begin with.  I sometimes lose track of what romance really means, as do the majority of guys I would imagine.

Can you women give us a break and remind us now and then.  Give us some direction.  Not subtle hints either but simply lay out a list of the steps to break into a romantic evening.  Being simplistic in nature it is better not to leave anything to doubt.  Just tell us what to do and then let us take it from there.  I agree that takes some of the romance out of the situation but does it remove it completely?  It seems like that might be what the show is lacking.  I think it is going for the comedic slice but do we really want to watch a show that has a baseline premise on the size of a man’s cock?

Well, time will tell.  Who knows, maybe in a couple of months I will be writing about how great the show is  and the audience will take commercial breaks to measure our shlongs.  Isn’t there a saying that in the end as long as it is big enough to pleasure ourselves then life can’t be all that bad?  Are we simply lucky that we aren’t as flexible as dogs to begin with since we might not ever venture outside the confines of our shaded bedroom windows?  Ok, I have gone too far now.

Average show and with the demand on our time I doubt it goes too far but I for one will give it one more or possible two more inches, I mean tries and see what happens.  Thrusting myself down on Sunday nights to penetrate the atmospheric television static and hope that HBO knows what it is selling.  It seems like it might be coming up a little short as “Hung” will have a long way to go in matching ShowTime’s “Californication” for the sleazy innovative sexually explicit show of the year.

The Proposal

Starring Ryan Reynolds (who seems to be in every other movie this summer) and Sandra Bullock (who seems to have not been in a movie in about 10 years).  I will spend about as much time on this movie as the writers spent writing it.  OK, well I might have to spend a few more minutes otherwise I would already be done.  Calm down everyone.  I actually enjoyed the movie.  It was funny, heartwarming and made me laugh out loud on several occasions.  It just is the same formula that has been done about 100,000 times before.  Not that there is anything wrong with that but it should just set expectations.

Girl (Sandra Bullock) is Canadian and an overbearing boss.  Her assistant (Ryan Reynolds) falls into the wrong place at the wrong time and she informs him that to keep his job he will have to marry her so she doesn’t get deported.  That sets the tone of the movie which then leads up the marriage.  In between there are funny scenes that make you laugh and at times my girlfriend even cry but don’t expect the heartwarming storyline like a PS I Love You.  This movie is all about romantic comedy and it does come through in spades.  You don’t spend more than 10 minutes without at least a chuckle.

I will have to admit that even though I love Sandra Bullock her days of being the romantic comedy lead are coming to an end.  While she still holds the ability to hit her ques and make you laugh she might want to start the inevitable transition to romantic mom leads.  She was looking a little aged next to Ryan Reynolds who probably garnered more attention for his nude scene than she did.  When did this guy start buffing up?

Anyway, I would recommend this as a light hearted funny make you laugh summer movie which was its intentions so kudos to them.  It came through with the end goal and while it might make a better sit in your living room Comcast on demand type flick it is worthwhile seeing on a date as well.

The Dinner Party (Part I of VI)

                I had to drop off my middle daughters shoes and my oldest daughters book at their mother’s house and since we were driving close to the coast anyway it seemed like a good opportunity to do so.  It was a beautiful day and now approaching 5:30 PM we had spent the afternoon with Carina’s parents.  It is amazing to me the zest some people have for life and even though her father was in his seventies he was in SF for the weekend to get married.  I think it is fantastic to find somebody to spend the final few years with and I am happy that he feels comfortable making that commitment. 

                As we approached the house I called my middle daughter Amelia, “I am going to drop off your shoes and your sister’s book, where are you?” I said.  “I am not home she responds.  We are out shopping and will be going over to Aunt Tammy’s house for dinner so we won’t be home for a while.”  “That is fine” I say, “I will just drop them off at the front door and you can pick them up when you get home.”  “Huh?”  She responds.  “You can’t leave them at the front door.”  “We won’t be home for a long time.  You should have called me and told me you were going to come over to the house.  You will have to just come back and drop them off later.”

                 I sit staring at the phone trying to figure out how the mind of a twelve year old works.  I mean I live 45 minutes away from her mom’s house and she thinks that I can just drop by anytime and leave her shoes.  “Why can’t I just leave them on your front porch, or I can even drop them off at your Aunt Tammy’s if needed but I am not going to make another trip and drop them off if you don’t want them now.”  “Fine” she stammers in response.  “Leave them where you want, but next time you should call and ask me if we will be home before you drop off my shoes.”

                I again sit staring at the phone wondering whether I should be laughing at the exchange or getting angry.  Kids are so self absorbed when they approach the teenage years.  Yes it is a difficult time and you must hold your patience to the extent you possibly can but it is so trying.  “OK”, I say, “I will place them in the front door if it is open and if it is not I will simply put them in the mailbox.”  “How does that sound?”  “Fine” she utters again.  “Is that all?”  “Well, I love you” I say and hear her mumble out an “I love you too” before she says goodbye and then hangs up the phone.

                It is hard to remember but I try to understand that it is I who is doing her a favor and I know that deep down in the pit of her stomach she must be finding it difficult to say thank you.  Two words that seem to elude children in our society at large.  Thank You?  Are those words so foreign to the family dynamics of this century that we should stricken them from the dictionary or should we make an attempt to bring them back to the forefront of our lives and inject them back into our daily routine.

                Is being cordial so difficult that we have lost all concept of what being cordial is?  At what point in time did even the pretense of politeness evade the dinner conversation so the act of passing the salt was confrontational.  OK, I am now exaggerating.  For the most part my three girls are relatively polite but at times they live their lives challenging even the simplest of acts.  When I was a child if I spoke to my father in any way deemed inappropriate I would find myself facing the back of his hand as he reminded me the status of my life compared to his.

                In the times of today we are not allowed to even talk sharply to our kids let alone hit them in anger.  How many agencies do we have for children’s rights or animal rights or the rights of the little spotted frog that inflict more rules onto the family than one can keep track of.  Everyone seems to have rights but the average middle aged Caucasian man.  Somehow in the grand scheme of handing out special favors we got passed over by everyone and everything including a little damn frog.

                Carina starts laughing as she sits next to me calming me with her just her presence as she so often does.   Her being near me relaxes me with a serene happiness and in doing so she so often doesn’t need to say a word.  In this case, as luck would have it she doesn’t say much but her laughter speaks volumes with her inability to maintain her composure as she listens to my childlike conversation.  OMG, can it be possible that kids start out their day wondering if they can give you a heart attack as they test your self control.

                As I pull away from my ex-wife’s house I think of my buddy Tim and the fact that I haven’t seen him in several weeks.  I am so close to his house it seems to make sense to give him a call and see if he is home.  Carina hasn’t met him and it would be nice to start introducing her to my friends.  She is becoming such an important part of my life it is appropriate she starts sharing it in all aspects.  I am not sure that she is ready for what is to come but then again none of us in life are ready for everything and in most cases it is the curveballs that are the most intriguing aspects.

Using an attorney in Divorce

First my advice to everyone and anyone out there contemplating divorce is; be careful what you ask for.  Depending upon your estranged spouse the journey down separation lane could be more volatile than the sparring you do as a couple.  There is nothing more bitter than a wife who is being spurned by her most recent husband.  I am speaking from experience.  If you find yourself at a point where you absolutely have to go down the path of death and destruction I would then suggest a mediator.  Just hire a very good mediation company and let them walk you through the process.  Listen to their advice, compromise whenever possible and for god sake if she wants the silverware then let her have the silverware.

If none of the above works then hire a damn good attorney.  Spend the extra money (not that money is always the barometer for good) but you will find that in most cases your better attorneys can charge a substantially hirer fee and then sit back and let him/her do the work.  Detach yourself from the process to whatever extent you possibly can and live your life.  That is why you are getting the divorce to begin with right?  You were unhappy with the way things were and you felt it made sense to move on to greener pastures.  You will sleep better at night, feel more comfortable with the outcome and enjoy a time of pure hate filled moments the best you possibly can.

I was not able to repair the marriage that I held with my soon to be ex-wife and after battling with her on incredibly stupid topics finally came to the conclusion that the mediation process was not for us.  I mean my god she fights me on whether or not my middle daughter lost her swimsuit at my house.  For twenty dollars my wife bought a swimsuit at Wal-Mart and was having a heart attack when it wasn’t brought back.  Can you say petty?  Anyway I hired a good attorney and life has been relaxing ever since.  I literally go into court having no idea what might be occurring and even what the topic of discussion will be but as long as my attorney shows up then let him face the brunt of the battle lines.  That is why he makes $400 per hour right.

My wife has chosen to represent herself in what I can only guess is one of the more colossal strategic mistakes.  I mean you are angry at best when you face your ex spouse and then to try and talk to a judge reasonably just doesn’t work.  My next court date is set for July 1st and it wouldn’t surprise me to find my wife facing contempt charges.  The judge is really fed up with her lack of preparation and constant interruptions in the proceedings.  I on the other hand might appear stupid which is fine by me but at least I walk out relaxed and ready to face the rest of my day with a smile.  Can’t ask for more than that I would say.

I only hope that this process ends soon.  I am growing tired of the anger and am now just looking forward to the end.

It is like waking up in the middle of the Postman (you remember Kevin Costner’s movie right) and realizing it isn’t over yet.  God just let the credits roll please.

Yelling at your Kids

Does anyone have a teenager?  I am just asking because of the sheer insanity of the entire scenario.  If you don’t have a teenager I don’t expect you to understand.  Teenagers are not really humans.  They are not boys or girls or men or women but they are something else entirely.  A different species or race that is in existence for only a short time frame until they morph into what they will become as they shape their lives.  They are a vessel of hormones that are out of control like the supercollider that hurtles matter at supersonic speed while periodically you get to witness the collision.

Admittedly I don’t always handle all situations with my teenager by the best practices set forth for dealing with the criminally jumbled bottles of shaken carbonated drink replicas.  Once the fizzle starts exploding and reason is thrown out the window I at times react negatively fanning the flame which ultimately leads to combustion.  I am not without fault for the record.  I make mistakes and in dealing with three daughters I sometimes feel a little out of my element.

Drama clubs could only hope to have the passionate displays that I sometimes get to witness on a daily basis.  Recently in an uproar with my 15 year old I used some inappropriate words in the heat of the moment and while I regret my reaction I still admittedly don’t understand the logic.  Why can’t they get the importance of school?  How can they choose not to learn when learning is their only job?  Is school really something to rebel against or at some point do they embrace the opportunities and enjoy childhood while gaining the benefit of gathering knowledge.

As my daughter and I stood outside her school hurling hateful words back and forth at the top of our lungs we made no progress towards reaching a mutually agreeable understanding.  The battle of expletives exploded as I flung dirt at her and she in turn hit me below the belt.  It was a battle of wills and while I agree that there must be a more positive way to get your opinion across to your daughter at times we all lose control.

I almost want to give up as the seemingly never ending altercations happen but I still have hope that we are making progress.  I see a glimmer of light in her as she gains the sparkle back in her eye and attempts to focus as we come back home to her latest World History test.  She is so smart.  It is amazing how creative and ingenious she approaches some things.  I guess that is why it hurts so bad to see her fail.  If she put forth any effort at all her brilliant mind would take over and she would fly beyond average into the elite crowd of the nerdy echelon.

I only hope for the best were she is concerned.  I wish her luck and explain in the end it is her grades and pass or fail I can no longer force her to do my bidding.  All we can do is guide them the best we can and cross our fingers.  Life throws so many curveballs.  I hope I have the patience and understanding to hold back and wait for the swing as I am sure at some point she will find her stride and connect for the home run that is buried deep inside.

He’s Just not that Into You

Snuggling up on the couch and watching a romantic comedy.  It just doesn’t get any better than that.  Another movie about relationships that work, that need work, that are just beginning and are just ending, this movie depicts the gambit on the flow of connectivity between a man and a woman and how some things work and some things just turn to crap.  It is filled with stars and for the most part they come through leaving you both sad and happy from the many ups and downs that you experience.  My favorite is Jennifer Aniston and Ben Aflack as they struggle with being happy yet not having the commitment of marriage.  Even with my jaded past I still believe in the formal union process and hopefully someday will connect strolling back down that aisle.

The premise of the movie is that women have been programmed their entire lives (since childhood) to believe it is ok for men to treat them like crap.  From beginning adolescence when a boy will call a girl a name or push her down in the playground it is depicted as boys showing their affection for girls in the only way they know how, by being mean.  It is a funny take on life and gives the movie a unique twist when it is hard to have unique twists in our sensory overloaded techno age being inundated with media at all angles.  I would question if men are really as mean as they are made out to be in the movie.  Not all men are as confident as shown and the male vulnerability can be easily viewed by walking down any cubicle filled office of engineers.  It is amazing that any of them actually get married.

The flip side is when Scarlet Johansson goes after a married man in the movie with no qualms about his current status.  I mean isn’t her happiness more important that anyone else’s.  She continually strings along another man on the side the entire time showing you that there are some women out there in the world that can play the game as well as any man.

Interestingly enough the movie has some happy endings and some sad ones as not all the relationships work out.  It is a very entertaining movie and for all of you out there in the world who are dying to know the answer to the question at hand, yes I did cry.  It wasn’t an all out bawling mind you but the tear did fall a little down my check as I quickly wiped it away avoiding notice by my partner who was openly weeping her heart out.  I have to keep some semblance of my manliness right.  I agree even though it might only be a small semblance.  Just for the record we are still talking about my emotional state of being not anything physical.

This is yet again another movie that I would strongly recommend for the casual fun filled romantic evening curled up in front of your Comcast on demand DVR.  This kind of movie always works better with a couple of glasses of wine and somebody to share it with would be my only recommendation.

Toooooooo Lazy for Icecream?

Last night after dinner I had the thought of walking my dog and taking the kids to get ice-cream.  It seemed like a good idea, was relatively early and who doesn’t like ice-cream right.  My oldest daughter was not at the house so I broached the subject with my middle and youngest daughter and was shocked at her response.  She stated that she would rather eat one Oreo cookie instead of walking anywhere.  My middle daughter said she wouldn’t mind driving to Baskin Robins but walking?  Why would we even think of doing this?

Can you say OMG?  Is this how I am raising my kids?  Are we really so lazy that even with the goal of getting a wonderfully cooling sweet dessert we choose to hold up in our lounge chairs with our feet kicked up watching TV.  What happened to the great outdoors or god forbid just taking a stroll on a nice evening.

My older daughter is taking summer school.  We don’t live far from her school and she has just recently turned 15.  Getting her out of bed in the morning is like pulling teeth at the dentist with no anesthetic.  The worst part of her day is trying to open her eyes and rouse from under the covers.  Since her summer school doesn’t start until 10:20 AM I told her she would have to walk to school.  Can you say OMG?  I thought she would have a heart attack.  Walk to school?  What the hell was I thinking?  She came up with the solution of waking up early, having me drive her to her grandparents, spending a couple of hours there and then going directly to school from there.

She would rather wake up early than walk to school and she hates waking up early.  How lazy are we becoming?  Granted my oldest daughter is a teen so she doesn’t like anything.  Is it a prerequisite that teens hate everything in life but other teens?  Is there a secret language that you forget as you get older?  “Word”.

Anyway, I don’t know your experiences but I don’t believe my kids are out of the ordinary.  They are good kids but seem to have lost track of the simple concept of going for a walk.

To lazy for ice-cream is just CRAZYyyyyy.

Bribing your Teenager

I live in a two bedroom house that has some extra rooms in it stuck here and there.  It is an old house and as such they always have the interesting layouts.  When I moved in I put my older daughter in the largest room and my two little ones in the sun room that was attached.  At the time it seemed nice enough to have them all together.  I forget at times the teenage dynamics and it didn’t take long to realize she really wanted her own private space.

Ah, always a dilemma.  I then moved the two smaller ones downstairs to a makeshift bedroom that actually works great.  They are happy and everyone wins right.  Well, I also decided to switch rooms with my teenage daughter so I could have the larger room, set up a desk and have a place for my files besides piling them next to my bed.  This is where things get a little tricky.  She wasn’t happy about that.  She took the news well enough but she didn’t think it was fair or right for me to displace her out of her bedroom where she has now resided for close to 9 months.  Granted this is only part time as her mother and I split custody.

In order to keep the piece I bribed her with a flat panel TV to hang on her bedroom wall.  Hmmmm…..am I a coward for not putting my foot down and telling her that as long as I pay the bills she will do as she is told and live with it or is it right to bribe your teenagers to keep the piece.  If you don’t have any teenage sons or daughters please don’t bother responding as I would greatly discount your opinions.  No offense but if you don’t live with one of them you can’t possibly imagine the trials that one goes through in life dealing with the drama.

Lucky for me I have three daughters so I can live the teen years for well OMG, several years to come.  I just freaked myself out there for a minute.  I think I need to go have a beer right now.  Also a good thing I have dogs so they can sleep with the kids and keep out any boys who might come knocking on windows late at night.  I train the dogs to attack only men/boys.  hahah

Let me know your thoughts.  Bribing good?  Bribing bad?